I am not sure how tight I have this saddle. I had a dream a few nights ago that there was this hang-glider in a field. It seated about 14 people in a single row and it was very George Jetson in architecture. People in my life that had to do with KT were seated in it and the last seat on the far right was mine. I jumped in, and it took off at a high speed, almost at a right angle, up over green velvet rolling hills and sparkling soda creeks I was yelling at everyone “Wait! I don’t have on my seat belt!” They looked at me and laughed and kept going. I surrendered to the ride.

Looking out the window as we drive away, I see the familiar face of my best friend, A. I feel lucky to know that there is support ‘back home’ while I go on to these paths of new territory. The person who was just hugging me with every bit of love and care, who’s is taller than me, now looks like a pea in the distance. Yet the feeling of connectedness gets bigger and bigger.

Now here I am, a chick with a bunch of guys.

Well, they’ve already seen me naked. Let’s just say the photo shoot we just did called for ‘artistic envelope-pushing.’ Our first tour is like ‘tour lite.’ Half the calories with all the taste! The crowds on this run are going to be a bit more testosterone-laden. I’m in a boys club. How the hell did that happen?! I hope my equal and opposite reaction to this tour isn’t that I go home and wear pastel cardigans and fucking watch Dawson’s Creek. Hmm….. Men. Boys. Males. XY chromosome. It makes me recall my first day of high school. . . . (Insert harp-esque music and foggy lens here.) After one summer, a tan, and some baby-fat shed and placed in ‘different areas,’ I walked into the lunchroom area and was dumbfounded by the extra male attention. This didn’t happen in 8th grade! From their point of view: Food and ass = primal necessities. I wonder if I turned into a giant turkey leg to them like in cartoons? I can’t imagine at that age their yearning for good conversation and a spiritual connection. (And let’s be real, was it at the tip-top of my value list?!) So here I am in the lunchroom not really knowing what to make of it; I felt a little out of place. I didn’t succumb to that denominator at the time (don’t get me wrong, I didn’t think the attention “bad”); but even at 14, I was still an analyzing, ‘whatever’ kind of girl. I just remembered thinking, “Memo to self: males seem to lose their minds to tits.” So simple, yet so complex — as I would learn in the years to come . . . (fade out harp) ******(back to present-day lens here.) That being said, I resolve to the potential generalized reactions due to my female-ness. It’s alright. I myself have been guilty of turning into a Fem-Bot. Its nature, darling. Someone once told me, ‘You teach people how to treat you.’ Damn straight. My guys have my back, too.

Ahhhhh — and already, before I could exit this document, Fidget just coined this phrase: “rich chicks and nachos.” Case in point.

Divulgence of happenings as they occur. . . . .p&l fd

When I was little, I mean like 7 or 8, I was obsessed with being in the kitchen, and screwing around with food.  I had a stool that I would stand over the stove with, books, anything from the pantry, and would just go for it.   My mother always encouraged me about that, adding ‘eat all of my mistakes, to know what I did wrong so as not to repeat them.’

Ok let’s stop there for a second:  Huge allegory for life, right?

In all new chapters and goals, we face the path of the unknown, as well as doors opening and shutting—some of which we do not have control over.   When our mind is set on a goal, fiercely motivated, in that unstoppable pure positive mode, a “NO” can crush us and make us question our Plan.

How about this:  “NO” is amazing!!  “NO” gets you one step closer to YES. NO helps you not waste your time on things that are just going to take energy away and distract you from the highest potential.

So, thank the “No’s” in your life—because YES is everywhere—it helps you get to all the Yes’es you deserve, streamlined like a sharpshooter.

Keep it close to your chest.  This is part of The Invisible Plan.

p+l fd